First of all, fuck money. I’ve never had any to begin with, and I don’t plan on ever being in a comfortable financial situation. More often than not, if you’re comfortable financially, misery reaps across the remaining aspects of your life—and life is not about working until your death. I need a job that helps me grow, and doesn’t make me sit in an office staring at a screen cut off from the world. I need a job that doesn’t make me depressed and doesn’t consume my well-being and free time. They always say love what you do and do what you love—but my life will not be bent around a career. I will not mold my life to work. I will work a normal 9-5 and live my real life outside of corporate walls. I will not allow my job to overrun my personal time. My life will be for me, and not for a corporation.
I want to live at a decent distance from other people. I don’t want my walls to be five feet from someone else’s walls surrounded by concrete sidewalks and silk black roads in a so-called neighborhood (no one is neighborly anymore) of houses that all look the same and have the same small tree in the same spot in the same front yard. If that’s what the “American Dream” has become, I want no part in it. These cookie cutter homes and symmetric front yards cannot mask your pain. No matter how many times you cut the grass, or get new furniture, or a new car—you cannot fix what is broken inside of you. Materialism will not fix you. Your $500,000 house and shiny car will not mend you.
How much space does one need? I’m comfortable seeing the other side of my house from the side I’m currently standing in. Give me character and warmth, and let me live simply. Only when the water is poisoned and the food makes us sick will people realize we cannot eat money. We cannot live through money.
The only way you will ever find my home is if I show you exactly where it is. If I don’t, you’ll never find it—hidden from view snaking back a mile or two. There you’ll find a little house surrounded by the wilderness. Woods will go back for miles—you will be able to get lost in the trees. Inside this house you’ll find myself and one other—hopefully someone who loves me as genuinely as I love them. I only have a few conditions for this person:
In this person I’ll find all the reasons to keep going. This person will see the best of me and the worst of me—and they’ll need to accept both parts, just as I will for them. In this person I’ll find that love is a choice, and it will set my soul on fire to choose them. This life is full of mediocrities, and love shouldn’t be one of them.
In this quest for life and happiness I want to see the beauty in the world. I want to attempt to live. I don’t want to just exist. I know happiness is out there somewhere, and I’m going to keep changing and running with the wind until I find a place where my bones feel at home and I can stare at the stars.
—When you asked me what I wanted out of life